omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
