you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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