I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sext me about skeletons
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
