I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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