I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
