im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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