my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
