Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
