her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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