I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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