Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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