Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
