I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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