After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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