I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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