Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
