I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
