do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
