So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
