If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
