i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
