Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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