Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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