update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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