I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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