i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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