it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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