Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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