my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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