Christians are straight up FREAKS
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
