it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
