The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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