she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
