actually, I'm a sock model
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
