You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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