For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
