So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you had me at cake vodka
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
