sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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