why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
