jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
