I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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