tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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