then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
