Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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