I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
