Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
