and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
