It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
