I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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