dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
