Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Less talking, more tequila
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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