Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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