apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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