I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
