How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
