Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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