It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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