was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I AM VODKA MAN
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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