i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
