you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
