It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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