just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
