So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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