i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have already put on my inside pants.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
