Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
