Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
