I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish my penis had a tongue
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
