I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize