I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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