Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
and you fell through a lawn chair
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
