yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
