Porn is love you can see.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
