Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize