Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
